i may or may not be watching the land before time
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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