rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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