we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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