So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
