absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
