Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
