I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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