how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
