dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
