I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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