yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
