I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
