Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize