I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
