so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
