she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
