you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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