it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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