what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
