Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
