Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
