Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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