he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
