so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
