I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
