so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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