that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
