apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
