I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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