I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
