So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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