I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
