I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
