My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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