Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
