I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
