the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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