Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
