Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
