oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
