I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
