im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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