it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
