Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
