she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
try to milk me bitch
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