Jerry, you need to find god
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
