Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
