dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize