Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
