just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
