yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
