1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
