hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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