a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
