I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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