Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
