how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His nipple licking is glorious
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