Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
