We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
