today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
