Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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