so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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