I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
