If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she looked like the before picture.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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