it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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