'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
worst night to have a conscience
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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