Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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