I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
